There is nothing better than heading out on the weekend with a mate or two (or more) to go and watch a football match. It’s perfect, being sat in the stands a few drinks down as the Premier League anthem rings out, with nothing able to ruin the moment.
That is, until the fans behind you come and sit down and decide to set up their own chat show for 90 minutes.
Let’s talk about fan etiquette and yes, I know I’m not TikTok sensation William Hanson but it isn’t that difficult to understand.
If you want to enjoy sport and socialise with your friends about your lives and current events (which is perfectly acceptable and I do it to) then go to a pub or bar where that is the social environment.
Let me give an example. Sat in your seats, the game interrupted for the whole 90 minutes with talk of the US Election, holiday destinations, explainers of how every club has the same chants and most annoyingly the phrase at 1-0 after 10 minutes of “Well, next goal wins this I say!”.
It was wildly frustrating so it made me think of whether there are any other unwritten rules that may be essential if a book was made on the subject:
- Pitchside Pundit – Unfortunately Dave you are not Alan Shearer or Guy Mowbry so I don’t need hear your punditry takes and I especially don’t need a descriptive commentary of what I can see 10 feet in front of me. Buy a microphone and sit at home if you want to do that.
- Player Shirts – Unless you are below the age of 13 then you shouldn’t be standing with a sign to get a player’s shirt at the end of the game. A photo, that’s fine, a signature is even pretty cool but come on…
- Half and Half Scarfs – I feel this one is pretty self-explanatory. Just don’t.
This is getting a bit serious so here are a few light-hearted rules:
- Don’t punch a police horse outside the ground, you’ve only had 2 beers Dave. Calm down.
- Don’t put your hand on the knee of the person next to you, it will make you feel like an idiot followed by an awkward apologetic laugh.
- Politely clap the opposition keeper when he comes to his goal at kick off or the start of the second half, then spend the following 45 minutes calling him a c**t.
In conclusion and the only reason, I’ve written this, so please remember: Do not tell me to sit down and stop chanting during a match, when you spent 90 minutes of the game discussing what’s for dinner tonight.
