With the Winter Olympics underway it has taken just one day for scandal to kick in with the uniquely named ‘Penisgate’ hitting the headlines. Ski Jumpers have been accused of injecting Hyaluronic Acid into their private parts to gain a better lift in their jumps and reduce drag.
So here at Solent Sports News we thought that while they get an advantage, which sports would be negatively impacted by an athlete packing down below.
FOOTBALL & VAR
With offsides becoming more contentious as VAR continues to intervene and judge things by the millimetre, this topic is extremely relevant. If a deadly striker were to have a manaconda slithering on the attack it may just tip him over past the last defender, making the attacking moves futile. It would give a whole new meaning to getting your head on the ball.
4 x 100 METER RELAY RACE
If there’s one sport where you need to be fully focused and accurate on hand over, this could make competing very risky. You’re in the zone, having prepared all your life to race on the global stage and earn that spot at the top of the podium. But if your teammate is groinally gifted then one slightly wrong move could lead you to grabbing something else other than the baton!
LONG JUMP
Any seasoned jumper will tell you how much airtime is needed to fly through the air and make sure you hit the sand as late as possible. However for an athlete who is taller when they lie on their back, this is even more difficult with penetration of the sand happening even earlier due to the pure surface area and gravitational pull down to earth.
SYNCHRONISED SWIMMING
Plenty of synchronised swimming routines involved legs kicked in the air, however I’m not sure the judges would appreciate a third leg flapping about in the water. If you were a swimmer with a large poolside mop then it would make staying in time and not hitting your teammates quite difficult.
DIVING
If a diver were to look like a human tripod, it would present a number of issues. Firstly you’d have to have a special set of Speedos made to accommodate the wand, as a normal pair would cut off all blood circulation. Next up it would mean all the twists and turns risk your weapon being caught up, giving a new meaning to a tuck.
These sporting takes hopefully provide a perspective to the ‘Penisgate’ scandal and you can just imagine the athletes getting the jabs, the doctor gets out the needle and turns to him to say: “You’ll just feel a small prick”.
