IN light of the very important day circled in every person’s calendar… “National Pack Your Lunch Day”, here is a a starting XI of typical packed lunch staples.
Formation: 4-4-2
Manager: Ben 10 lunch box
A pretty safe gaffer, holding together the players to play as a strong unit.
Goalkeeper:
Jazz Apple
As the man in between the sticks, you need a hard and reliable unit that can play out from the back, especially in modern football. As set piece goals become more and more frequent, Jazz can deal with the pressure and be vocal when called upon.
Left-Back:
Banana
Modern full-backs have become ever more involved in a team’s build up play, whether that’s inverting to become part of the midfield, peeling off the sideline or overlapping and whipping crosses into the box. Although Banana is more skilled in the latter, he can come out of his skin to play however the team wants to, to potentially split defensive lines and be a threat going forward. Some are concerned he’s passed his best, but is arguably more useful in different systems if he’s lost his toughness.
Left Centre-Back:
Fruit Shoot
Not the most tall component or solid unit at the back, but Fruit Shoot has a number of different flavours to mold the build up play around for his team to carry the ball forward. As the more stocky member of the team, he is tasked with picking up the target man for opposition teams from set pieces. However, what’s controversial about this pick is his ability to leak goals when he’s lost his head… rather his lid.
Right Centre-Back:
Ham and Cheese Sandwich
The more physical of the two at the back, especially when stale if your parents have left the bread out for too long, Ham and Cheese is a reliable player that the gaffer can trust when times get tough. A strong two-footed player, similar to the likes of Ousmane Dembele, means he can play either side of the centre-back paring but in this XI will play on his traditional right.
Right Back:
Raisin Box
For some, he’s rather untraditional, but for many Raisin Box was the small bundle of fun tucked in the corner, very similar to how he plays on the pitch. Shorter than his full-back partner in Banana but with more energy in a smaller package and without the worry of being passed his best, Raisin Box is the perfect connecting piece in the back line.
Left-Midfield
Dairylea Dunker
Similar to Fruit Shoot, Dairylea Dunker has the ability to change his game to suit the system set out by the manager. Whether it’s his ritz composition or the occasional jumbo tube variant, Dairylea doesn’t overcomplicated things on that left side, you know going into a game what he provides you… and that’s chances. Saying that, he is prone to a messy game from time to time, ruining the system when it suits him and going rogue, so many teams exploit that when going forward.
Left Centre-Mid
Babybel
Despite his small frame, Babybel is the perfect centrepiece of a brilliant midfield. Tracking back to clean up defensively, or rolling on forward to compliment the attacking threats with his dairy cousin in the Dairylea Dunker. Some call him the ‘Kante of all cheeses’, making box to box runs to cover most of the pitch, even though many question his size.
Right Centre-Mid
Crisps (Monster munch)
Many choose another family member of the illustrious crisp family, as they have formed a strong timeline of talented footballers. Not the fittest or healthy option on the pitch, Monster Munch can connect the dots with his strong build up play and carb his way through midfield. There is always a doubt with his ball-carrying abilities as he can get himself caught in a pickle against a strong pressing unit.
Right Midfield
Peparami
More of an inverted player, Peparami is a strong winger that is always protein fuelled to shrug off defenders when driving into the box. His playstyle, similar to the likes of Adama Traore or Antoine Semenyo, Peparami is popular amongst the younger fans, for the better or for worse, he’s the face of the starting XI today.
Left Striker
Frube
The tall (but sometimes flappy) striker in Frube is the target-forward of the attacking line that links well with the fruit component in goal to allow for long balls to be fired up into dangerous areas. Sometimes slow to get the ball out from his feet, Frube does have the ability to release his teammates for darting runs behind the opposition backline, especially his strike partner. The glaring issue with Frube is his inconsistent nature and bad habit of leaking a wayward pass and ruin his team’s cohesion.
Right Striker
Penguin Bar
Very much like Crouch and Defoe, Frube and Penguin Bar form a brilliant dynamic that many teams struggle to contain. Due to their glaring differences, they form a dangerous partnership, Penguin Bar playing off of the tall stature of the Frube to play in behind the defence. However, being on the smaller side he does slide into an offside position and can occasionally be caught offside.
Bench:
Capri Sun – a solid source of energy off the bench, whilst also linking up well with the fruit portion of the XI on the pitch.
Cheese String – the backup goalkeeper is important, especially with an injury prone starting man in the jazz apple, who is prone to getting bruised, Cheese String has the ability to stretch and use his full frame to make stops.
Lunchables – the ‘James Milner’ of the squad, able to play anywhere on the pitch and definitely a fan favourite, despite many younger players with the same mould entering the scene, like Lunchly. However, his respect remains the same with the old-heads of the fan base.
Coco Pop Breakfast Bar – another great source of energy off the bench, Coco Pop can be brought on throughout the match and leave a lasting impact on the pitch to influence the result.
Orange – the healthier option that can play the full game, however, as it’s the last player on the bench, it often gets left with no minutes, leaving butter from the sandwich and yoghurt leakage from the Frube to ruin its reputation.
